Beleagured Bush to Boost Believers

Tonight President George W. Bush will address the nation to try to convince we Americans that "staying the course" isn't dooming ourselves to more failure. If past performance is any indication of what to expect, we can expect the following:

1. The president will stiffly stammer his way through his speech. Many of us will be shocked at his glaring lack of skills, but the press will gush and applaud as if Abraham Lincoln himself were speaking.

2. There will be lots and lots of happy-talk, just like the Ruskies used to employ (i.e. the schools are getting fresh paint). And, just like the Ruskies, the population will know it is nothing more than warm wind.

3. There will be lots and lots of smirking. This cannot be helped.

4. There will be pandering to the far-right, perhaps a mention of a constitutional ban on gay marriage.

5. The president will seize every opportunity to portray detractors as unpatriotic rubes that would rather see America fail (again, we'd vote for George if that were the case).

My fantasy speech looks something like this:

1. The President will start with an apology to the American people.

2. He will follow this apology with the announcement of Ahmed Chalabi's arrest.

3. He will follow the arrest announcement with the sacking of Donald Rumsfeld, Douglas Feith, Richard Perle, Dick Cheney, and Condi Rice.

4. He will follow this sacking with a promise to close Guantanamo bay and Abu Ghraib and open new facilities properly operated under the nose of the Red Cross.

5. He will reach out to the international community and ask for forgiveness, explaining that his desire to protect Americans blinded his judgement to their warnings. Then, he would make an appeal for a renewed effort to resolve the Iraq conflict.

6. He will announce the formation of a unity government, by reaching across the aisle to appoint Bob Kerry his new National Security Advisor.


In short, I'd like to see Bush wipe the slate clean in a master stroke and restore credibility to the Whitehouse.


More on the speech here:

New world orderer