George Washington's Farewell Speech

I have an inner calling that I do not understand.

"You must!", it says, nothing more.
When I wonder what it is that "I must!" I am simply met with urgency.
And time races, generating more urgency.
It feels like a trap.

What must I do/be/find?
What is so important, so vital, so attention-grabbing that "I must!"

Since I have tried to trust my heart, or that part of me which guides via instinct, this impossible task fills me with confusion and I am beginning to feel like the object of a joke.

Perhaps this is what we call mid life crisis, but it doesn't feel like a traditional crisis. It feels more like an effort to understand something...something I must understand because it is vital. I know this because my heart tells me so.

So I only know that I am searching, but not what I seek, and I don't know how to succeed nor even recognize my destination if I get there. Perhaps I will walk on by in ignorance.

One of the books I am currently reading, perhaps in Self defense, is "Time and the Soul" by Jacob Needleman. It suggests that I am struggling to remember my One True Self, which only adds more confusion at the moment, yet rings true somehow. If he is right, then I suppose my One True Self will instead have to remember me, since doing the opposite seems impossible. How can I find that within me which is unknowable?

By now you might wonder what this all has to do with George Washington's farewell speech (assuming that you have bothered to read this far). In a moment of comedy I realized that if I am searching for something I should try Google (which by the way is derived from googol, or the numeral 1 followed by 100 zeros). Not knowing what to type, though, I typed in Jacob Needleman which led to this piece he did for NPR talking about George Washington's views on religion. This piece might surprise you as it did me, and now you can know the path that brought me here and us together:


George Washington's Farewell Speech


Now, if you'll excuse me I think I'll go check under my carpets to see if I have misplaced myself. I hope this is not as difficult as searching for car keys.